I WILL PWN U: ART SCENE SKILLS TO MASTER

In honor of this week’s art openings and high-fashion events, the following skill will prepare you for some ugly nights and weekends. I’m skipping ahead a few art scene skills to make this happen.

The art scene’s full of rules and nuances that baffle most outsiders. Spending just a few months in art school or attending several gallery openings will give anyone enough background to understand all the underrated skills listed in I WILL PWN U. Acquiring all the skills in this series won’t make you an expert at art scene hustling, but at the very least you’ll deserve a 4 Square badge.

For updates to the list of skills featured in I WILL PWN U, visit Here is a Fantasy on Twitter.

Art scene skill #11: You know how people say that the art world’s hot? Well, most of it’s not at all hot. And you know.

Art people are skinny, sure, but Manhattan’s the skinniest place in the US. As for clothes? Currently, artists are into blending Thunderdome and The Hamptons. I get the appeal of a WASPy apocalypse, but try telling that to someone next to you on the subway.

Men and women taking part in this trend look like Eurodorks.  For instance, I’ve come to expect seeing fitted blazers on men and women, like black socks with shorts and loafers on men and baggy cutoff jean shorts on women. Who was uncool in high school? Most of the art world. This fashion trend’s just a stage of adult acceptance.

Of course, just leave it to artists to turn WASP into something OTHER, making them look BUSTED. That vintage? It looks busted to most New Yorkers on the street. That one shiny earring doesn’t make the rest of your outfit fancy. Those frilly socks tucked into your open-toed clog heels? Like you’re on your way to an Anime convention. That black felt hat makes you look like a witch. Oh, and your shoes are falling apart. Even if they cost you 300 Euro, you can spend $40 here to get them resoled. On a bad day, that’s what I imagine’s being said to me. And then my thoughts turn to Chloe Sevigny who’s a sexy as hell trendsetter.

So, who is hot in the art world? Not most curators. Not most art writers. Those with money or who handle monied clients have to dress well by necessity, increasing their hotness factor. Successful artists have money and tend dress well.  And if you come from money, well, you were probably born good-looking. I think most of the art world looks busted, but not all of it.

What’s popular with most men and women now? “Boho meets Paris.” It’s a dumb way to describe “upscale but slightly disheveled,” but it’ll make you blend in with the rest of the polis. What’s great about boho-chic is that it doesn’t mean anything. You can dress however you like and still call it boho-chic. I think someone had too much fun during their undergrad semester abroad and just wishes they were still in France.  Ugh. I’ll take what hotness I can get in The Hamptondome.

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