the gallerina with a heart of gold decodes facecreeping

Another guest post from the gallerina with a heart of gold, the better than average looking twentysomething who fakes it all the time.

Alex Prager, "Susie and Friends," 2008, c-print.

Q: I just got this OMG-type of an email from this guy. What does it mean??? Does he wanna be friends or what?

Hey _____,

Hope you enjoyed the opening on Friday night. I was quietly sitting behind the bar drinking, and then when I went to find you, you were nowhere to be found. We should try and get together sometime soon. I’ll be in Brooklyn this weekend, but maybe sometime after that. I have been meaning to talk to you about those photos _____ posted on Facebook. I really like your style and I think that you would work really well in some of my videos. Do you think you could do that thing with your arm like you did in that photo next to the picnic table? I saw it when I was looking at your pictures a while back and it’s totally amazing. If so, would you be interested in being in one of my videos? I could send you a bunch of examples. I have this website, but it’s in the process of a redesign. It has some links to some articles that do a better job of explaining my work then I do. Hope your day is going well.

xo

_____

A: Let me translate this into normal speak:

You looked hot on Saturday night. I was hoping to sleep with you and got massive blue balls when I discovered you’d left. Please sleep with me soon. I’m really interesting, important, and active. I’m not desperate, I just really want to sleep with you asap.

I have been Facecreeping you and noticed this picture. Blah, blah, blah,  I’m talented and like experimenting. Would you like to explore your body with me in an enclosed and private space? It’s only art (I can prove it!) and I was in some international art magazines (See my website!), so you don’t have to be scared.

xo (You don’t get xoxo because I am detached and this is a flippant email. I did not spend hours composing it to look perfectly spontaneous. And I have not been thinking about you nonstop since this weekend.)

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Comments
3 Responses to “the gallerina with a heart of gold decodes facecreeping”
  1. Cory says:

    Hahaha. That’s a shockingly accurate translation.

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